I need a Shoulder to Lean on

Most times I’m the most strong I’m the rock the spot you get support from
Mostly cope with hopes that’s been rolled on
And when you’re low you know that you can hold on me
In a heartbeat I can be there the fears and tears you cry I’m by your side so dry your eyes
And let me provide peace of mind in time I know you’ll be fine
And if it’s heartbreak I can take some off your plate replace the lies and hate with smiles of faith
You fall deep I could fall with you. The dark is a familiar place you’re lost I can help you escape
It was my fate (pain) so that I can relate
Now when I can’t even stand I can handle the weight
I’ll be your shoulder for as long as I can but where’s the shoulder for my shoulder when I can’t

I will be the one you can count on the most
When the road is dark you know I’ll bare the load
You never see the days when I fall down to my knees
None of you will know that sometimes I need a shoulder to lean on

Sometimes it’s really hard to be this invincible figure you figure me to be
Cause I can feel the pain and when I’m cut I bleed mostly inside but lord knows I cry
I don’t lie I just keep it bottled inside I meet your eyes with a smile and you think I’m lion but I’m alive cause I can feel like you can feel with emotions still though it don’t show it’s real.
Conceal when my heart cries fall apart in the dark at the spot where my thoughts lie
I thought I was as strong as they come, I thought I was numb my thoughts send my heart over run as I wonder
Can I make it through and is the one coming soon that’s gonna hold me console me
Or was this something meant to be and a shoulder for a shoulder wasn’t meant for me

I will be the one you can count on the most
When the road is dark you know I’ll bare the load
You never see the days when I fall down to my knees
None of you will know that sometimes I need a shoulder to lean on

The Sound of Reason

Salam Eid Mubarak

Raya this year... a blissful moment, so I claimed. It wasn't terrific like in the past years. It was more of an OK. Just plain OK. Nothing fabulous. Still, I had a good time with my cousins during raya. I don't have much to tell. My mind's bogging me and I just don't have any feelings of what-so-ever. Maybe I'm feeling lonely at home with no one to nag to since all of my siblings left for class *sigh*. 5 days off from work is not enough. I just started my holiday and all of the sudden its the end of it. *Sigh* I'm still in my holiday mood and I think everyone is. Anyhow I'm not letting that get in my way of having a great time.

hhhhmmm...

err...

mmmmm...

Frankly speaking, I'm a little uninspired right now. Can't think of what to write even though there's plenty.BTW, I never got the chance to wish you guys. Selamat Hari Raya Maaf Zahir & Batin. Hope that the last Ramadhan won't be our last. InsyaAllah. Let me get this clutter out of my head and will write something better than this. Hopefully.

Inspired by Lat's Cartoon =)

Confessions of a Shopaholic

OMG, Becky Bloomwood is coming to theatre soon. I have no idea that they are making a flick on this eye-catchy, glamorous novel by Sophie Kinsella. I've only read Shopaholic and Sister and it's totally hilarious. Isla Fisher plays Becky whom I've known in Definitely Maybe playing along side Ryan Renolds. You guys should catch it. It's totally adorable. My sister made me watch it so I'm making you guys. Hmmm, Hugh Dancy will be playing Luke Brandon. The husband-to-be. He starred in Ella Enchanted playing as Char, the Prince. Weird name huh? Anyhow, I'm thrilled and I can't wait to see Becky Bloomwood in action.

Rantings

Hi. It's quarter past 3 and I can't put my mind to work. 2 more hours to go and I'll be heading straight home like always. Today seems like crap. Well actually most of my days are crap. Work is crap really. I know I should be more patience and just deal with it like an adult,
but the thing is I'm tired. It's like I'm coming to an end where all I want to do is nothing. N.O.T.H.I.N.G. Well in that case I rather be stone. All rock stiff. Doing nothing. Doing nothing ain't getting me nowhere. Duh! Anyway just hear me rant.

I've just learned that one of my colleagues is leaving us...soon. Following the footsteps of many before her. That must be a relief for her to be getting out of this rut. If only I could get out of here sooner not later, I would, but my folks won't allow me. Not unless I secured a job somewhere else. Yeah, I know they are concerned and they have every right to express their worries, but I'm 24 now. Isn't it time for me to make my own decision? To ease that up, I always tell myself, parents know best. I hope they do in my case.

It's always the same for me and I'm sure for everyone else. Waking up in the morning which I dread the most and coming to office, turning on the notebook and continuing yesterdays work which never seems to finish, coming home and repeating it all over again. What can be more boring than that? Maybe this is work. I have to get that through my skull. If I gone out soon, maybe I'll have to deal with bigger new problems. Maybe much worse. Crap. I hate the thought of that. What if new colleagues or new user or new work at new workplace is 10 times more terrible than what I'm dealing with? Who knows what the future holds. Human beings are complicated. So complicated indeed. That's a fact.

All I know now is that I'm thirsty for something new, something which I like to do every time I get out of bed every morning, which I love doing over and over again, something that grabs my heart. Still, life ain't easy. It never was, it never is, it never will be. I believe that when you go through an ordeal that can turn your world upside down, that time teaches us to be more appreciative of what life had offered us. Allah knows best. Just believe in Him totally.

Here's a beautiful quote I've found on the net.

"When God leads you to a cliff,Trust Him fully;

Only one of the two things will happen:

Either He will catch you when you fall Or teach you how to fly"

A little tazkirah for the day...hehe!

Haritu or Hantu?

Me: Aku nak pakai pensil ko xde dakwat plak (pensil fabel caster berwarna purple).
N: Aah.
Me: Nak pakai yang ni lak tapi ko kata xde dakwat.
--(sambil tuh ann amek pensil tersebut and petik) *xberpa ingat situasi*--
N: Eh ada lah *clicking the pencil* Ntah2 haritu x isik?
Me: Ada ke hantu ?
N: Ade...
Me: Hah? Ada ke hantu bulan pose??? *blur*
N: Hahahaha...
Me: Hahahahaha...
N: Aku cakap haritu tapi aku ingat ko cakap haritu.
Me: Aku dengar hantu, aku ingat ko cakap hantu.

Either I'm totally deaf or we both are. Hahaha...

This dialog is not that accurate due to some memory loss =D

3 days and counting

Ramadhan this year is pretty much the same. Well, not really. First of all, traffic jam from Putrajaya to Kajang sucks big time. I have not gone through such traffic jam since the last time I remembered. It has been only two days of fasting and the traffic is bad. Really, really bad. Imagine after all this time working in Putrajaya, you don't get much cars around. It will only take me approximately 30 mins to arrive home with the speed of 80kmph so and so. Suddenly I have to hit the break more often for every meters. You do the math. Since oil price is way expensive and not forgetting that I am driving my dads' Volvo 970 (Big car means big gas). So if I'm in a stream of vehicles, it won't do much help. Plus I'm getting cramps around my hips, my spine and my knee which is not good due to my P.

The breaking of fast this year to me is not as merrier as before. We have indulged ourselves for less and simple foods to avoid waste. I have not hit any bazaar yet because I don't see the necessary to do so since I have my mom. Hee. Maybe my appetite these days is not big as before. I used to eat like a pig you know. This year, I want to follow the sunnah of the Prophet SAW by stop eating before you go full. Konon. I don't know. Seem to be losing appetite these days. Is that some sort of a sign? Ke sebab da keciwa nak tambah berat badan tapi xtertambah-tambah pon. Hmmm...

Tarawikh. I don't know about you, but I think that tarawikh this year is so quick that I don't have time to feel sleepy. Not that I'm complaining of how fast its going, but yeah its fast. During my teeny years, going to tarawikh felt like miles away. Always getting lost of what rakaah we were on even though we only performed 8! These 4 days of performing tarawikh, happened so fast. Maybe its the Imam or maybe I got too lost in my mind during prayers. There's a saying that goes, if you felt time was running fast, there is something wrong with our Iman. Those who are pious will only see time at a normal pace. Therefore, we have to ask ourselves, are we there yet?

Me? I'm still me. Still all cranky and pretty much the same. I have not changed a bit.
Whatever reasons or whatever happens, hope that this Ramadhan will give us blessings and that we are commit to become a better Muslims in the future. InsyaAllah.

One Step At A Time

I'm so glad I got it out of my chest. Right now this is what's playing in my head to keep me inspired and keep me going by Jordin Sparks - One Step at a Time

Hurry up and wait
So close, but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste
But you just can't touch

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus:]
We live and we learn to take
One step at a time
There's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly
Or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's
Supposed to happen that we
Find the reasons why
One step at a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused, you got it all figured out
Everything that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours
If they only knew

You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face as the door keeps slamming
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting

[Chorus]

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
when you need to find the strength
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way you get there
Is one step at a time